Nurse! NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!!!!!!!

If you wish to become a patient of the NHS in England then you can always follow the example of a patient who came in while I was in hospital. Under the influence of stupidity plus other ' chemical assistance', he jumped from the 4th floor of a building, convinced he could fly.
The birdman cometh! Now the golden rule of self powered flight is to aim at the ground - and miss. Sadly he forgot this bit and apparently hit it quite hard. Some how, however he got away only sustaining broken legs.
Unfortunately, fairly soon after becoming an in-patient he went on to become a 'pain in the arse' to the rest of us other patients. Demanding, demanding, demanding, anything and everything, in a VERY loud voice at all times of the day and night mostly in the unintelligible patois of the urban London homeboy. He insisted on playing his music from first light and then all day whether he was in bed or not. On one occasion he made a bid for freedom. He stole a wheel chair and made off, still in hospital pyjamas, and leaving all his possesions (Including a large, stuffed toy crocodile!) on top of his locker. He was spied some time later near the local train station but then vanished.
He was eventually returned by the police three days later, complete with wheel chair but minus most of his plaster cast. He'd pulled it off to try to get a shoe on!.
However his place in the medical history of experimentation will probably be marked by his attempt at dealing with pain he was feeling.
Having hollered at the nurses and not being prepared to wait until suitable painkillers could be administered, he proceded to pour a bottle of baby oil down the inside of his full leg plaster cast!. Not surprisingly to the rest of us, this alleviated nothing. So he followed it with a bottle of fizzy Lucozade drink! When that didn't work either, he redoubled his vocalisations for assistance, all at 4am in the morning, liberally peppered with 'interesting' terminology.

Oh to have not been in my Ilizarov frame at that point - and to have had a large brick handy!

P.S
On the 3 June, I crossed verbal swords with this p*****k after he started swearing and shouting at the nurses at 6:30 in the morning, right by the side of my bed. Hopefully, for his sake, he got the message! He seems to have done as he spent most of the day in his room where he's now been 'isolated' for the sake of the sanity of the rest of us.


Go BACK to the main story